Ode To MarySue
by 0738
Summary: MarySue. The charming notsofan fiction character, in which a ‘diehard’ fan manages to incorporate his or herself into their story. Usually, this sweet character is perfect in every way shape or form. Maxed out health. Maxed out weapon and stats as I said


Cloud stared out the window next to Sephiroth, as the sun was setting.

"You'd better get to bed soon; we'll be heading out early tomorrow." The deep voice said from beside him. Cloud nodded.

"You should, too."

"In a bit, in a bit." Cloud only shrugged and headed to the room where three neatly made beds appeared before him. Sephiroth came in a moment later. Before Cloud could pick, Sephiroth chose the bed farthest from the door, the one closest to the corner of the room. As he pulled the sheets up to get ready to lay down, he spoke to Cloud,

"Oh yeah, we have a tour guide from town who's going to show us the way. You might know her." he smirked as he spoke. Cloud blushed. Couldn't be that girl.

Cloud woke up the next morning. He got up, and looked around. The two other beds in the room were empty, and neatly made. "Damn!" he thought, and rushed out of the room.

Outside, he met Sephiroth, and the two officers who accompanied them. Then he noticed a girl with long, brown hair, cowboy boots, and a cowboy hat on. Could it be? He walked up to the girl to see if it was, and she turned around.

"Clllooouuudddd! I haven't seen you , in, like, forEVER!" she ran to him and hugged him tightly.

"Uh…who are you?" He asked, completely bewildered. This wasn't Tifa.

"Like, it's meee! Mary-Sue! Your BEST friend since childhood!"

"But Tifa was-"

"Silly! Stop playing games! C'mon! Let's go! I also have done, like, lots of training while you were gone! And you, like, so totally won't believe how good I am at battles and stuff." Sephiroth was getting irritated with the mindless chatter, and he obviously realized that Cloud was uncomfortable with this girl hanging on him. So he impolitely cleared his throat.

"Time to go. We're wasting time." He turned and headed down the path, but before he could get far,

"Mister Sephiroth! Wait up silly! I'm the tour guide, not you! I know this place like the back of my hand! So if you don't wanna get lost, stay behind meee!" Sephiroth glared at her, and spoke in a sarcastic monotone,

"Lead the way." he said, as he stretched his hands out, as a man would to a woman of high status. She giggled, and headed down the path.

Once the group got far enough from Nibelheim, Mary-Sue suddenly stopped.

"We-ell?" Sephiroth asked.

"Um, uh-" Mary-Sue stammered.

"Don't tell me we're lost." he said flatly. It was obvious he was getting pissed. First the girl couldn't shut up about anything in particular, and now she got them lost.

"No! Of course not, silly-"

"Would you stop calling me silly, and find our damn way out of here!" Sephiroth shouted. Some birds quickly flew out of nearby trees as his voice echoed.

"I know where we are! We're not lost! Silly me! Come on guys, follow me!" She happily giggled along. Sephiroth drew his sword, and Cloud stopped him.

"Don't kill her-"

"Cloud, she's annoying! I can't take her! And she keeps calling me silly!"

"Don't kill her YET. Wait 'til the mission's over. If she's this much of a pain in the ass around everyone else, no one'll miss her." Sephiroth sighed heavily and nodded.

"Guys! Are you coming!" She shouted, giggling after she called out to them.

"Oh, you'd better let me cut her voice box out first. Anymore of that giggling, and I'll start to giggle as I rock back and forth in a fetal position." Sephiroth said, as he put his sword away. Cloud nodded, trying not to anger him anymore.

Just up ahead, a huge dragon attacked. Sephiroth and Cloud rushed to the battlefront, but they were too late. Mary-Sue had just done some super-duper sparkly attack, and turned the vicious fire-breathing dragon into a little black and white spotted puppy that was running around in circles, yapping and chasing it's tail.

"What is this shit!" Sephiroth shouted. "That's sadistic!" Cloud stifled a laugh.

"He used to be a vicious fire-breathing dragon, but I've changed him! Now he's a sweet, innocent puppy, chasing his tail!" Sephiroth stared in awe at the hideous creature she created. Sephiroth used fire magic, and aimed it towards the puppy. It burnt to a crisp, and fell to the side.

"Why did you do that!" Mary-Sue screamed.

"You're annoying! You're sick! You're sadistic!" he yelled back.

"I should burn you like you burned Cletus!" She yelled back.

"Cletus wasn't even a puppy to begin with-CLETUS! Why the HELL did you name him Cletus!"

"Because it's a cute name!" She screamed back.

"Uh, guys, can we just get this over with? The sooner the better-"

"Shut up!" They shouted at him, then went back to bickering. Cloud sighed and sat down. The two officers sat next to him.

"Wanna play some poker?" the first officer asked.

"I was hoping more for gin rummy." Cloud replied.

"Mm. Yeah, sure." replied the first officer. After a few games of gin rummy, Sephiroth and Mary-Sue decided that they hated each other's guts, and that they'd ignore each other for the rest of the trip.

"How professional!" Sephiroth scolded the three card players.

"You're really professional arguing with the tour guide over a stupid puppy-"

"That was NOT a puppy. That was a FREAK of nature."

"…whatever." Cloud said, and shrugged.

"Clooouuuddddd!" Mary-Sue yelled. Cloud rolled his eyes.

"What?"

"Walk with me!" she shouted and giggled, and before he could reply, she was holding onto him, and hanging all over him. Sephiroth silently laughed at Cloud, in a mocking way. Cloud shot him a dirty look. Sephiroth glared at him, and made the motion of slitting his throat. Cloud quickly smiled at him.

The party continued on. Mary-Sue continued her merciless banter about nothing in particular. Suddenly, she shouted,

"Look! An old bridge!"

"No kidding." Sephiroth replied. She shot him a dirty look, and he did the same to her. The first officer started crossing the bridge, and Mary-Sue started running across. Sephiroth ran to the bridge, and started cutting the ropes that held it up.

"Sephiroth, he's on the bridge, too!"

"Cloud, all's fair in love and war .. Well, there's no love here, but I'm doing this for our own good-" the ropes snapped, and their ears were filled the piercing scream of Mary-Sue.

"AAAAIIIEEEEEEEEE!" she screamed, as she and the officer were falling. Sephiroth started laughing in a diabolical manner. They heard one body thud. Sephiroth went from a diabolical laugh to a nervous laugh, because there was no confirmation that Mary-Sue hit the ground.

Suddenly, a bright, white light emanated from below. Mary-Sue was floating up, eyes closed, arms crossed over her chest, and angel wings were on her back, slowly floating her up.

"WHY AM I PLAGUED WITH SUCH BAD LUCK!" Sephiroth shouted.

"This is my Angel Wing limit break!" she replied.

"We're not even in battle!" Sephiroth yelled.

"Angel Wing is Rinoa's limit break in Final Fantasy VIII, though-"

"Oh, wait. This is my trance stage. Trance is when-"

"I know what trance is!" Sephiroth wailed, "a feature Squaresoft introduced in Final Fantasy IX! This is Final Fantasy VII! We only have limit breaks when our gauges fill up in battle!"

"I'm Mary-Sue. I can do whuteva I wa-ant." Sephiroth started smacking his head against a nearby boulder.


End file.
